Darker Nights to Brighter Mornings… and also, Pumpkin Muffins

Originally, this was titled “Autumn bits and bobs,” but that feels a little too cheerful at the moment.

I began writing this pre-November 5th and am now coming back to the words feeling a lot heavier. I’m incredibly disappointed in the United States, not just for turning out to vote for a convicted felon who treats the government like a reality show, mishandled a pandemic, and has backwards policies and questionable connections to Russia. I’m disturbed even further by our willingness to elect a man who weaponizes faith and language to spew hate and spur hateful acts. I had no grand delusions of a Harris/Waltz win saving the world. They ran on a platform that was not staunch enough on two key things: the climate crisis and a ceasefire in Gaza. Democrats and Republicans are part of the same broken system. But I thought at least a Harris/Waltz administration might not make things worse.

The ramifications of this choice will be seen on people and on the planet for a long time after these four years pass. Assuming, of course, that democracy sticks around. I am especially worried about the effects to the climate— it’s November, and I’m writing this on a 75 degree day. The consequences of moving away from clean energy and towards fossil fuels (which the Trump administration plans to do) will be devastating. We and future generations will suffer deeply because of this greed.

As a Christian myself, I’m deeply frustrated by the ways in which Trump and the GOP have co-opted my faith and twisted it into an unrecognizable idol. I’m angry at the many people who claim Christianity, yet act as if Trump is their savior, not Jesus.

The post below (click the lil facebook button) sums it up a lot more eloquently than I could. I resonate with Benjamin Cremer’s take on the situation.

Read on Facebook

If you follow Jesus, or you’re someone who likes worship music, or if you’re just looking for something steady in all the chaos, I’m linking my election playlist here. It’s a sort of hodgepodge of lament, justice, and comfort songs. If you’ve got any suggestions to add, let me know :)

I’m also plugging this song from SUFFS, a broadway musical about the fight for women’s right to vote. I had the pleasure of seeing it this summer and the finale number had tears streaming down my face. These lyrics in particular have rung loudly in my head this week:

And rеmember every mother that you came from
Learn as much from our success as our mistakes
Don't forget you're merely one of many others
On the journey every generation makes
We did not end injustice and neither will you (Neither will you)
But still, we made strides, so we know you can too (Know you can too)
Make peace with our incomplete power and use it for good
'Cause there's so much to do (So much to do)

The gains will feel small and the losses too large
Keep marching, keep marching
You'll rarely agree with whoever's in charge
Keep marching, keep marching
'Cause your ancestors are all the proof you need
That progress is possible, not guaranteed
It will only be made if we keep marching
Keep marching on (Keep marching on)
Keep marching on (Keep marching on)

It feels a little silly for me— a virtually invisible aspiring kidlit illustrator— to even write about this. What could I possibly contribute to an already crowded conversation? But as someone who wants to work in books, I can’t stay silent when an administration who wants to rewrite history and silence truth takes power. As someone who loves words, I can’t hold my own when someone is spewing hateful ones. And as someone who tries her darndest (and granted, fails a lot) to follow Jesus, I won’t be quiet when people use faith as a knee upon another’s neck.

If you voted for Trump, I don’t hate you. I vehemently disagree with you, and am more than happy to have a discussion about the issues, but I don’t hate you. The same God who guided my vote is the same God who asks us to live like him: “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 103: 8).

What I do hate is daylight savings time, the way the dark creeps in earlier and earlier during the winter months. As more of a night owl, I’ve a tendency to wallow in the lightless evenings. Lucky for me, my husband is a “feet-hit-the-floor-and-I’m-fully-awake” kind of early bird. The hour at which he wants to wake annoys me sometimes. But then we get out the door and the sun is shining, the breeze is crisp, and the day is full of possibility.

We need both kinds to live well. We need people who see the darkness to help us grieve, who do not look away from the brokenness and remind us to “weep with those who weep” (Romans 12: 15b). We also need people who revel in the brighter mornings, who point us towards the good that exists and the work to be done. There’s only one human I know who’s changed the entire world on his own, and he was also fully God, so don’t try and do this alone. Now more than ever, we need each other.

What’s on My Desk this Autumn

Well that was absolutely not heavy at all and this is definitely not an abrupt transition!

I’m in the midst of querying agents to seek illustration representation (with hopeful author-illustrator representation in the future), which means I’ve also been reading a LOT of rejection emails. It’s undeniably frustrating and works wonders at making me doubt myself and my work, so I’ve cut back a bit on my painting and squirreled myself away in my writing.

One thing I’m trying to do a little bit more is observational paintings. Or, in this case, post-observational paintings. Titling them as “observational” implies I do them in the moment, and generally I like being present, so many of them come afterwards thanks to my generally ok visual memory and the occasional iPhone picture. I get into a head space of feeling obligated to make a masterpiece whenever I bring the paints out, so I’m working to combat that.

This halloween I went trick-or-treating with some small friends, and their costumes were so good I had to make them into doodles.

My buddy J is in her Greek Mythology era, so naturally she dressed as a picture perfect Artemis. She even made a special candy bag to look like a quiver for her arrows. I was a fox this year, so I apparently fell under her godly “domain” for the evening (I guess wild creatures are an Artemis thing). Honestly, I wish I fell under her domain every day, because J has her life more together than I do. Mark my words, it’s only a matter of time before she rules the world.

Her sister (and my other buddy) E was Gollum. Yes, that Gollum. She had a body suit and a towel diaper and the freakiest mask I’ve ever seen. The mask blocked her vision so she scrambled up people’s steps and I think this really added to the costume. When I asked her what inspired her choice this year, she told me she’d originally wanted to be an Uruk-Hai but decided that was too complicated and changed gears. Last year she was Weird Barbie, so this tracks. I want to be her when I grow up.

Josh and I and a few friends went to the Maryland Ren Faire this year, which is apparently one of the biggest in the country. This proved to be a fun place to gather references.

This blue wizard looked like he belonged in an animated children’s movie, it was amazing. Definitely the costume that stood out the most to me, both for his striking figure and the bright blue color. I also loved this girl with a head full of flowers and the mime blowing bubbles with her hands.

We had a great time cheering for our knight in the joust: Prince Miguel of Portugal. He didn’t win, but he did have the best hair out of any of the riders, so he’s winning outside the ring.

I’m well aware that I’m batting way out of my league, but the disparity between Josh and I was on full display that Saturday cause the wenches came out in full force for my man!! Even some lads made a pass! Fortunately, they don’t know the secret to getting Josh to understand you’re flirting with him: live with him for three weeks during a global pandemic. Mad props to my friend Abby, who made sure I didn’t beat up any flower-crown wearing wannabe homewreckers.

Pumpkin Muffins + Painting Process

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m a stress baker. Besides being a way to feed my insatiable sweet tooth (which I should probably get under control, especially since our access to healthcare is on the line), I see baking as a communal act. Rarely do I make something solely for me: usually I’m creating to share or to celebrate. And even if I bake a self-indulgent pan of brownies, I always find there to be enough for everyone.

So let’s reclaim the color orange and make pumpkin muffins! This recipe is my adaptation from one passed down by my mom. I’ve been working at giving it my own twist all autumn, and I think I’ve finally tweaked it enough to be satisfied. The recipe card is below, but a few notes before you start baking!

Some recipes call for adding a bit of cream or milk or butter back in post-browning. This recipe is very wet, so I omit this step.
The spice measurements are estimates. Truthfully, I usually measure with my heart but have made my best guess on the recipe card.
Feel free to add your favorite mix-ins! I personally like chocolate chips and pecan bits, but I imagine walnuts or raisins would also work.
I forgot to put this on the card, but you should get at least 24 muffins out of this recipe!

As I was thinking through sharing this recipe, I wanted to make a little painting to go along. Of course, the little painting turned into a big painting, but I sort of love it.

In an attempt to make weirder work, I’m trying to move my characters into sillier, less explicable places. I’ve been making a lot of mini paintings of different weird folks, and used some of those concepts in this final piece.

I recently got a light box, which was a life changing investment. Tracing paper is useful, but because of the many times you have to go over the image, I find some of the looseness of the original sketch gets lost before the final has even started. The light box allows me to retain just a tiny bit more of the original concept, making it a win in my book.

Here’s the sketch pre-painting.

This guy might be one of my favorite parts of the whole piece. He’s so impish and silly!

But the joy of my lil imp boy was short lived, because I moved on to what I’m now calling my corner of shame, aka the furry friend on the bike. I was originally going to make his bike wheels bottle caps, but I painted one wheel and hated it deeply. It just didn’t look right. Deciding to pivot, I started to paint the back wheel as a little acorn cap. Cute right? WRONG! He’s wearing an acorn cap helmet!! I can’t double up!
ugh.
I ended up painting a separate bike with wood slices as wheels, to work in after scanning the piece.
But God was still showing me my foolishness.
BECAUSE WHY DID I PUT THE ORANGE GUY WITH THE GREEN LEAF COLLAR AGAINST THE ORANGE PUMPKIN AND GREEN VINE???